The rules Clare de Boer lives by.
How a restaurant star manages three boys, a newsletter, and business.
Good morning everyone.
My weekend was spent trying to finish a magazine story I’m on deadline for, and looking at all of the Christmas decorations in midtown.
I also booked a quick trip to London early next month, so if there’s anything you think I should or try, tell me! I probably won’t have time to do one-off drinks or coffee but maybe we can plan something fun at a bar one night… we’ll see.
Today’s newsletter includes: Clare de Boer on “having it all” and her favorite takeout; if you bought raw milk at Erewon this weekend, it might have bird flu in it; Alex Cooper’s newest show is a return to her Call Her Daddy roots.
GUEST LECTURE: Clare de Boer
This interview is part of a Feed Me feature called Guest Lecture. In this series, I introduce you all to an expert who I’m curious about, and give paid readers an opportunity to ask them anything they want.
Clare de Boer is one of the co-owners of King in Manhattan, and the founder of Stissing House, upstate. She also writes a newsletter called — The New Yorker’s Molly Fischer once said that Clare is a restaurant star, and “her newsletter avoids the pitfall of restaurant cookbooks: this is unfussy food that’s perfectly comfortable at home.”
Today, she answered Feed Me reader questions about “having it all,” what she’d change about the restaurant app system, and how she developed her specific form of restaurant writing. This is one of my favorite Guest Lectures — thank you all for asking such thoughtful questions, and thank you for answering them!
“What is the hardest part of your work? And your favorite?” - Maryah
I think a lot of people would say that beginnings are hard, but I love the start of a project—when the vision is wide open, and all the work lies ahead. It makes me feel alive. Things get hard for me when the work isn’t as obviously challenging anymore. I think I’m less effective when the sowing is done, and it’s time to maintain and reap. I don’t think I’m a natural manager.
“What is a weekday dinner ritual an urban couple could incorporate to give a taste of Stissing House? A sense of upstate oasis zen.” - Patrick
LIGHTING. It’s a ritual for life, not just dinner. The rule I live by—at Stissing House, and anywhere I control the switches—is that lights must always be one degree dimmer than the sun, letting natural light take the lead. When the sun sets, candlelight and firelight should be the primary sources (or at least eye-level sconces and lamps with dimmable 60-watt, 2700 Kelvin bulbs).
I take this to an extreme at Stissing House to pull people out of their worlds and into ours. It’s quite dark, with an excess of firelight. At home, I don’t go as far, but I switch off all overheads, dim the sconces, light lamps, and add a beeswax candle or two.
“Morning and nighttime routine?” - Olivia
The kids usually wake us up around 5 a.m., and we all cuddle in the big bed until 5:30. Then we have coffee, read, play, eat breakfast, get ready, and make lunch boxes before drop-off. We’re out the door around 8 a.m. At night, we come home from the playground around 5:30, have dinner at 6, then read, play, clean up, and occasionally do baths. Everyone is in bed by 7:30. After that, I do whatever I want or need to do until I fall asleep.
“I would like to know what your top 5 favorite closet items are!” - Kat
Jeans, white t-shirts/turtlenecks, baggy sweaters, slip-on shoes (boat or loafers), a warm coat. I don’t enjoy thinking about what to wear, so I like to buy a few of something that’s comfortable, fits well, and just wear that most days. LL Bean white mock-necks, Carhartt/Jesse Kamm denim, Quoddy shoes.